Bored

All that studying, every thing for three months. All the practice tests and working problems and dreaming about the questions. All those relaxing baths where logic formulas run through my head every time I close my eyes.

All in preparation for the big test.

Now the test is over. I won't know my results for another week or two. I've already read an entire book and started a second.

I am bored out of my mind with a feeling that there is something I'm supposed to be doing. It's making me nutz!

Ya know what sucks about tile?

Aside from the dog hair that accumulates in the corners, and aside from the freezing feet in the winter time, what really sucks is the click click click click clickity click the dogs nails make on the floor.

I can always tell when they are in the kitchen because the wood floor makes a different kind of
click click click click clickity click sound.

The click click click click clickity click and shuffle sound of the paws dragging on the floor are the loudest late at night when the house is quiet and I'm trying to collect my thoughts.

Debt

Have you ever had to pay a stack of bills and it just made you feel like you are working for nothing? Like you'll never get ahead? Like there is no end in sight? Because that is exactly how I feel when I have to pay our stack of credit card bills. I would like to feign ignorance and say I don't know how it came to this, but sadly, I know exactly how it came to this. When you use your credit cards to buy groceries because your husband is out of work, they add up fast. Really fast. I'll probably have them paid off in August, but I've been paying on them since March. And that blows.

Hrumpf.

Did I mention that Mr. Right has a new job? Yea. He does and he has to go for 9 weeks of training. Normally, I would be all over this. Seriously! The house to myself? Bliss. The daughters and I could walk around naked. We can sleep in (because he is totally the morning sunshine in our home) and we can eat the foods we love like mac and cheese with hot dogs or a big fat chef salad (eaten directly out of the big fat bowl) and ohhh, cheese and crackers and a side of fruit. Eaten on the patio while we watch chick flicks.

Who wouldn't be totally psyched for that?

Me. Ya know why? Because for nine weeks it is going to be my job to remember which day to take out the garbage and which day is for the recycle can; clean and change the pool pump. Every Day. Yes, every day because our subdivision is still under construction and there is dirt and dust E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.

My job to take the daughters to grandma's house sitter AND pick them up. Every day. My job to clean the bathrooms and mop the floors (I know, some of you don't have husbands who clean. I'm lucky and I'll shut up now.)

I need to hire a husband to come and take care of a few things. Any takers? I'll pay in hot dogs and Root Beer.

Holy Coldness!

My office is freezing.  I need gloves just to keep my fingers from snapping off they are so cold. I can almost see my breath.  Welcome to Arizona summers.  

Hot enough outside to fry and egg on your dashboard, cold enough inside to keep ice cream frozen at your desk.  

what?

I miss TV. I mean real TV. The shows that I used to watch. 24. The Closer. Saving Grace. Life.

When do they come back on? Where do I go to find out? I am not so much of a TV geek that I actually know what channel these shows appear on. I could do internet searching but that takes work.

I simply want my TiVo filled with shows I want to watch. I want it alllllllllll, and I want it nowwwwwwww.

crap

I had a blow out today on my way home. My brand new car. Drivers' side rear tire blew out. I knew it was going flat because my idiot light came on and said so. What I didn't know was that by the time I went the additional two miles to my exit, it would be flat.

I turned off the freeway and at the next light was turning to pull into a tire shop when a guy behind me got out of his car. I noticed this because people don't normally get out of their car while waiting for the light to turn green. Especially at a light with photocop.

So, the nice guy followed me into the parking lot and basically made sure I got there okay. My tire was shot. I need a new one. Apparently the only one is 65 miles away from my house. I had them put on my spare and limped my way home.

I know what I'll be doing tomorrow. sigh

Stimulate this!

I, like many Americans, have been eagerly awaiting my economic stimulus money. I have spent it several times in my head. I have crunched numbers and allocated just so. I planned to stock up on groceries and meat, buy three emergency gas cards, and get the family passports and still have enough to pay the two small credit cards I have. I figured I’d have a few hundred dollars left over and was considering either an upright freezer or a mini-vacation for my anniversary next week.

My brother said to me on Wednesday that he didn’t thing we qualified for the check because he thinks we’re millionaires. It made me nervous so I broke out the tax file and checked the irs.gov website. We were in line for some easy to come by, ready to be spent, mullah.

Today was the day to get my refund based on the socials. I check the bank this morning and there was nothing there. I checked again at lunch, still nothing. I checked again at 4:30 p.m. Still NOTHING. I started to wonder if there was a problem.

I went to the irs.gov website. Right under the little box holding the socials and dates direct deposits would be made was a blurb that wasn’t there last night. It wasn’t there a week ago. It appeared today and it irritated me:

If filing or preparation fees were deducted from your 2007 refund or if you obtained a refund anticipation loan or other bank product related to your regular tax refund, you will receive a check instead of a direct deposit.

This would have been great to know BEFORE. Before I’d done all that mind shopping. Before I made all those mind lists and did all that mind math. Before I thought I didn’t have to cook tonight!

I hate you IRS and your web updater peons who waited until the last minute to drop the bomb. Selfish.

Cranky Much?

I've been cranky all day. I have a severe case of spring fever and would rather be anywhere than where I am right now.

I am tired and it is getting hot outside which makes me want to be out in our pool.

My allergies are still acting up and I sneezed at least 13 times today.

I am hungry and have no food in my office.

I never had a chance to turn on my music because I was so busy today.

Owie

I don't feel very good. I have a headache. Not a migraine, yet. Just an allergy headache. My ears hurt and my forehead hurts and well, to be honest, my face hurts. I know, I know, 'It's killin _____.'

Hardy har har. I used to say that a lot but after the millionth time of one of my brothers saying "it's killin me" I learned to change my words.

Stupid brothers anyway.

I have taken everything I can take to ease the pain but until the pressure eases, I'll be blogging about nuthin. Enjoy.

Friday ya ya ya

TGIF doesn't even come close. I have had the week from hell. Work was hell. Kids were hell. Traffic was hell. I was driving home last night, my gas light came on. I don't live close to a gas station. I couldn't be late for work today so I was trying to get up and at em bright and early. That really only works if it is just me that has to get up and at em. The kids never cooperate. The dogs don't cooperate. Traffic NEVER cooperates.

I'm feeling whiney.

Useless

I am fairly useless in the mornings. I can function at a basic level but my brain is not firing on all cylinders until well into the afternoon.  It has nothing to do with caffeine or stimulant either. 

I would like to blame it on all those years of working swing shift, from 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. but I cannot.  I remember being in grand school and not really getting 'it' until after lunch.  By the time I got home and ate dinner, when it was time for homework, my brain would rapid fire the answers. 

Now, I'm near 40 years old and I don't hit my stride until well after 2:30 or 3:00 p.m.  By then, I only have two hours left to cram in all of the work I put off because I wasn't ready.  It is like a sickness. 

What this means is that I'll leave my pile of work here on my desk, come in tomorrow, do mediocre things until after lunch, then my brain will kick in and I'll get the hard work done. 

Why can't I be this functional all day? 

My name is...

Hello.  My name is Stella. I have a problem.  It has been five days since I last played poker online.  I am addicted to playing online poker.  I used to play on Yahoo, but latenly, I've been playing at Pure Play and I've wasted countless hours there.  

It is free to play, doesn't cost real money, there are other people playing so rarely if ever do I have to wait for other players to show up for a full table.  The closest I've ever been to winning a table was placing fourth.  This fed my drive to do better and before I knew it, it was dinner time and I literally took my laptop into the kitchen to fix dinner, then we sat and ate and all I could think of was playing that damn game. 

I have not studied because of it.  I have not done all my chores becaue of it.  I have not mopped in a week.  A WEEK PEOPLE.

My name is Stella.  I have a problem.

Counting Down the Days

The countdown is on. Sixty nine days until I retest for the LSAT. I have not been nearly as diligent with studying as I should have been. Life has a funny way of getting in the way of things sometimes. I want to study because I love it and I do miss being in school and filling my little brain with stimulus. On the flip side, I’m tired. Tired of being the grown up, tired of working and struggling to balance career and word. Tired of the weight of the world seeming to rest on my shoulders. Tired of feeling tired and worn down. What I wouldn’t give to sleep in. Not just an extra half hour or hour. I mean, no kids, no dogs, no worries sleep in for two or three hours of good comatose sleep.

Ah. I’m a dreamer.

Another sunday night and I cannot sleep. I am certain it is a combination of the three minute nap I took on the couch today when I should have been doing laundry, and the fact that I have to work tomorrow. I never seem to be tired sunday night because I start thinking about what I need to get done at work the next day.

At least while I'm up I can get some more laundry done. There's always an upside. Right.

BBQ Hamburgers

That is all I wanted. I have been craving them since Thursday night. Yesterday after the surgery, I didn't want to eat much at all. Mr. Right made pork chops and green beans and I couldn't eat hardly any of them because I could have food or drink after midnight Thursday and my surgery was Friday at 1:00 p.m. so by the time we got home at 5:00 p.m. it had been so long since I ate, I was afraid I'd get sick.

Tonight, I said I wanted BBQ hamburgers. I made a small pasta salad and got the meat patties ready and when Mr. Right went out to start the BBQ, we were out of propane. Damn it all. I ended up cooking the patties on the Foreman Grill but they just weren't the same.

Earth Day

Did you turn off your nonessential lights for an hour tonight? We did. It made me realize how much we rely upon our electricity. I had to use the bathroom. In the dark. Which I am totally capable of. However, when it was time for Ms. Sarcastic to use it, she politely stated she would "wait until we're done saving the earth."

Ms. Brainiac wanted to know if she could still play on the computer, because, after all, she didn't need the light on.

Mr. Right had his nose glued to his laptop and in his defense tried to to tell me battery operated wasn't the same as wasting power.

It is a sad state we live in that we cannot go for one hour without lights. God forbid people might actually start talking to one another.

someone please shoot me

My 8 year old bought a toy today, some Hanna Montana headset thing that has a microphone. She can talk/sing into the microphone and it plays out of a little speaker that clips to her belt. It will also give her applause upon the push of a button, or three different songs to sing along with.

Since 5:30 p.m. today she's been wearing her Hanna wig, the head set thing and singing and dancing or otherwise walking around the house making three times the amount of noise she normally does. Currently, she is walking around the house, spitting out one liners and jokes, then pushing the applause button, and saying "thank you, thank you very much."

I cannot really take the headset from her. She paid for it with her tooth fairy money. I cannot tell her to quiet down because she isn't yelling. I cannot tell her that it has to be an outside toy or the neighbors will hate me even more than they do because she got a drum set from her aunt for christmas.

I think the only viable solution is that someone please shoot me.

And Another Thing that Bites

I have to remove all my piercings and jewelry for the surgery tomorrow.

Fine. Except. I cannot get my wedding ring or my ring my sister gave me off. I'm too fat.

I've tried cold water, soap, oil, nothing.

Quite frankly, it is embarrassing. Who knew that an extra couple pounds here and there would lead to this? Lead to fingers too fat to remove jewelry? Extra chins appearing? A stomach that looks four months pregnant? An ass that will require its own zip code before long.

Arrg. I'm cranky.

Surgery Tomorrow

I cannot have anything to eat or drink after midnight tomorrow.

Do you know what this is doing to my psyche? I am craving things like Lays potato chips. Donuts. Cokes and chocolate milk.

I am not hungry. I am not thirsty.

I think I want them because I know in an hour, they are completely off limits.

And do you know what sucks the most? My surgery isn't until ONE PfreakinM. I'll be starving to death and probably get sick from not eating at all. I'm so hosed.