scores and study and bears, oh my!

I took a practice LSAT last Saturday. I got my score today. While my score has gone up, it hasn't gone WAY up. And while I should be happy that it went up four points, I cannot help but be disappointed that it didn't go up fourteen points. Especially after all the studying I have done.

I am now at the rock bottom acceptance score and could, theoretically, be accepted to law school (if they were digging the very bottom of the barrel).

That'll inspire confidence in a person. Kinda like barely outrunning a three legged bear.

Cranky Much?

I've been cranky all day. I have a severe case of spring fever and would rather be anywhere than where I am right now.

I am tired and it is getting hot outside which makes me want to be out in our pool.

My allergies are still acting up and I sneezed at least 13 times today.

I am hungry and have no food in my office.

I never had a chance to turn on my music because I was so busy today.

fluff

Sometimes when I read the news, I cannot help but get sucked into the so called "fluff" sections. You know, the recipes and Hollywood gossip and such. Anymore, I am too cynical to even take my self seriously. I am tired of hearing about the war. I want our soldiers to come home just like the next guy, BUT, I do not want to create a situation where the US is at risk; I want the democrats to stop the bickering and get on with it; I am DYING to know who McCain will choose as his running mate; mostly though, I don't want to work all day, come home and cook and clean, then sit down and read any news that isn't fluff. My brain is tired.

Moose

I collect moose. All shapes and sizes. I love them. I think they're beautiful animals and in my life, I have only had privilege to see one in the wilderness. It is the only moose I've ever seen in real life and it was on a dead run away from our vehicle. It was a baby moose, not at all grown and no antlers to be seen. He was still beautiful as far as I was concerned.

Now that we live in Arizona, I fear my opportunity at moose spotting has passed me by.

Goals

I have a few goals I have set for myself.  In the past, when I set a goal, I accomplish it. Regardless of how long it take me, I get it done. 

Until now.

I've had the same goal for two years.  Pass the LSAT.  I finally took the damn thing in December, missed the median score by 3 points. Three lousy points.  I've been half ass studying for it since then.  The June date is looming ahead of me and I'm not sure I'm ready and/or willing to take it.  I think I should.  I know I should.  I just don't know if I have it in me. 

The second goal I've had for about a year and a half now is to lose the pesky 30-40 pounds I still haven't lost since the birth of Ms. Sarcastic.  According to my BMI score, I'm moderately overweight for my 5'6" frame.  I weigh 180ish.  I don't like it.  My jeans don't fit.  I couldn't get into my good work clothes if I had to right now.  This makes me very sad and if I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, it makes me wretch.  Seriously.

The problem is, I have no drive or energy to get off my fat ass and walk on the treadmill.  I'd rather sit and watch TV and complain that there is nothing good on than actually get up and do something else. 

I have a whole list of crappy reasons why I don't get on the treadmill. I don't have time; I'm tired at night; I don't have an MP3 player so I cannot listen to music and get pumped up;  it is late and I don't want to wake up Mr. Right; I don't have time.  Basically it comes to this:  I'm lazy.  Period.  End of story.  End of excuses. 

Today, I was inspired.  I will get this done. I will get my fat ass on that treadmill and I will lose weight. 

I started three weeks ago with my diet. No more cokes at work in the afternoon. I'm drinking more water.  The doc said to eat four or five small meals during the day to get my metabolism up. I've done that in the form of cottage cheese and wheat thins along with an apple or banana or strawberries.  I had to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat every three hours.  I lost almost two pounds.  Now I need to get the exercise in there. 

I will start tonight and chronicle my efforts and success.  I printed out four months worth of calendars.  I will write down how long I walk each day (and when my pedometor comes I'll write the steps).  I will record my weight each week.  I will do this. I can do this.  I WANT to do this. 

Sometimes

Sometimes I want things. Things outside of my realm. Things like bigger houses and nicer cars and more money. Sure, in time I will achieve those things but man oh man, the temptation is here and now and it is hard to stay on the right path and not make colossal mistakes that a I will no doubt pay for and regret for many years to come.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it is so easy to envision myself in a different life, in a different house, in a different town with a different family. I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I would walk thousands of miles to help them or be with them or hug them and tell them I love them.

Sometimes.

Sometimes life is easier than others. Sometimes I am grateful for all I have and all I've achieved and other times, I am envious and jealous and green with envy. Sometimes I am glad I've worked hard and towed the line. Other times I struggle to remember that things happen for a reason and I am not one of the lucky ones who has opportunity or easy handed to her.

Sometimes.

Earth Day

Did you turn off your nonessential lights for an hour tonight? We did. It made me realize how much we rely upon our electricity. I had to use the bathroom. In the dark. Which I am totally capable of. However, when it was time for Ms. Sarcastic to use it, she politely stated she would "wait until we're done saving the earth."

Ms. Brainiac wanted to know if she could still play on the computer, because, after all, she didn't need the light on.

Mr. Right had his nose glued to his laptop and in his defense tried to to tell me battery operated wasn't the same as wasting power.

It is a sad state we live in that we cannot go for one hour without lights. God forbid people might actually start talking to one another.

No Parent of the Year fo Me

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, things get on my nerves. My kids, they get on my nerves. Not because they're being bad or rotten. They aren't back talking or arguing. They aren't even in trouble. They're just annoying.

Like tonight. I am in a crappy mood already (as is usually the case when I become easily annoyed) and even the slightest things are bothering me. Like the clothes in the dryer. It is jeans and the buttons go click click click and it is annoying the ever loving piss out of me. It doesn't help matters that my girls are in the bedroom, with the door shut, and I can still hear the giggle fest they are having.

I don't want to go yell at them to quiet down because honestly, they could be fighting or arguing or yelling at each other and I'd rather hear my own bones break one by one in a car crusher than listen to them fight and argue with each other. However, it is still annoying me.

And I need to do some studying but I cannot concentrate when I'm like this. So instead, I'm going to read some blogs and do some long overdue commenting.

The Easter Bunny is Coming

Tonight, while the little ones are sleeping, the dogs are sleeping, and I wish I was sleeping, the Easter Bunny will sneak into my house and leave baskets of sweet, cavity filled goodness.

The eggs are dyed and the kids are fed. The only thing left is to wait for the night and the stalled bedtimes and the "I need one more drink" and the "the easter bunny Will Not Come if you don't go to bed Right Now."

Then, when all is said and done, tomorrow is another day filled with family dinner and candy and goodies. Some families will celebrate in another way. They will go to church and remember the religious holiday.

Regardless of which holiday you celebrate, from my family to yours, be safe, healthy and happy.

This man scares me

With all the radio and television abuzz regarding the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, I started reading about the man and the words he seems to spew forth without much regard for what people might think about it. I have come to the conclusion that he scares me.

The reason I am afraid, honestly, is that this man is in a position of power over young minds and if their parents are continuing to take them to this church, and singing the praises of Rev. Wright, what does that do to the mind of a child? God Damn America? That is what he said. The U.S. of kkkA. He said that too.

How will we ever erase the line that divides if people (on both sides) continue to fan the flames of hatred and hate speech?

Schoolpop

If you have children then you know and understand the importance of fundraising and money drives to get things for the school your child attends. I have two daughters and I am well versed in fundraising and supporting the programs that my daughters are interested in. Often times, the only funds a school has for some programs (such as drama club) comes from fundraising. Schoolpop works with vendors and purchases using the Schoolpop Visa earn cash back contributions. Check them out for popular fundraisers for high schools and other programs to help raise money and funds. Schoolpop focuses on helping schools raise money and is based in Boston, MA. Enrollment is easy. Help your school earn, get started today.

Making me nuts!

OH MY HECK! My kids are making me crazy! They're super hyper tonight. Probably all the excitement about the trip and then when they get home it will be Easter and after that it will be a birthday then another birthday and then summer and then OMG SWIMMING.

I don't mind that they are excited. I just want them to settle down a little bit. Their dad is in bed already so he can get up at four a.m. and with tile floors, my house is very, oh how do I say it, acoustic? Sounds carry and echo and seem much louder than they really are.

Don't they understand that I am reading blogs over here! Gah.

Well, they're all ready

My kids are leaving in the morning to go on a mini vacation with their grandparents. I wouldn't be so freaked out about it but they're driving down to Mexico. I have visions in my head that they will be kidnapped and sold into the sex trade or something. Ridiculous I know.

However, as a parent, I think we all go through times like this when we think that the person caring for our children will not be as good or diligent or aware as we are. Or maybe that is just me.

Regardless, they are all packed. They have their swimsuits, books, games and clothes all packed. The only thing now is to put them to bed and drop them off in the morning. I'm not ready.

Sometimes he amazes me

I am the worrier in our house. I stress over the bills and money and what we owe. My husband's standard response is "don't worry about it."

Because he doesn't worry. I do. That is my job.

We've been discussing and contemplating buying another house. A bigger house but the market is such that we could pick it up for $70k less than what the neighbors paid for theirs, and it is the same house. The sad part is that we could buy it for $20k less than what we paid for our house, which is 900 sqare feet smaller. So, the temptation is there. It is really there and trying to take root.

I have said that it would be a great investment but I didn't think we could really afford it. We could never get enough on rent to cover the mortgage on our house and we would have to pay the overage as well as HOA fees. Then we need to buy window treatments and a refrigerator, etc. I just didn't think we could swing it and it was keeping me up at night.

Imagine my surprise today when Mr. Right sent me a text that said "I don't want to screw our credit. Let's wait on the new house and do some upgrades on our house."

WHAT A RELIEF. I cannot tell you the weight that magically lifted off my shoulders at that very moment.

I just don't get it

I don't know which I find more appalling; the fact that it is alleged Mr. Spitzer used a prostitute and paid her upwards of $4,000; the fact that it is alleged that he potentially spent upwards of $80,000 on said prostitution services; or the fact that his wife is standing by his side.

In all the video and photographs I have seen, Mrs. Spitzer just looks like crap. Which is to be expected. However, I cannot say that I would be standing up there, by my husband's side, if he were under the gun as hers is. Is it the power? The money? The lifestyle?

What makes a woman stay? Embarrassment? Humiliation? Power? Guilt?

I just don't get it.

Pressure Cooker

We are another step closer to buying the second house. I am truly not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it will be a good investment and we will live in that one so it will be bigger and we will be able to live there until the girls graduate from high school at least. However, it is so risky because we will rent out the house we live in now, but, what if we get bad renters? What if they don't pay timely? What if they trash the house and yard?

And: do I need to get different homeowners' Insurance? Does my lease cover everything it should? I just feel so much pressure right now.

Darn kids

They as the darnest questions. Ms. Brainiac just came in and asked me what I was having surgery for. I am having the endometrial ablation procedure. I told her why and then she asked me why. Why wouldn't I want to have my menstrual cycle? Why wouldn't I want to continue on with the thing that makes me a woman.

It is difficult to explain to her, without scaring and/or scarring her that I need to have the procedure. I'm finished having children and part of me is really looking forward to NOT having a period anymore. But how do I explain that to a ten year old?

I tried my best. I explained how they would do it and why I was having it done. Of course that brought up would she need to have it done too. Will she have bad periods? Will she be anemic from blood loss? I don't have the answers to any of those questions and I'm not sure she is satisfied with that.

Mexico

My kids are going to Mexico this week with their grandparents. They'll be gone Friday through Tuesday. They are heading to a gated community on the ocean. That does not make me feel any safer or less paranoid. I am sure they'll be fine. But the mother in me worries; worries that grandma will not take as good care of them as I would. She will not keep as close an eye on them as I would. She will not have the critical eye that I have when strangers say hello.

They leave in three days. I have to be strong.

Fast Life Settlements

I have often wondered if what I pay for my insurance premiums will ever come back to me in my lifetime. I doubt that I will ever use the amount of medical benefits I have paid. This makes me think about my elderly in-laws. They have a life insurance policy that they have paid on for as long as I can remember. If one of them died today, the other is already taken care of. Any insurance money would be extra money. They don’t need the insurance to pay for funeral expenses as they have done that already. All of their planning is done, the details ironed out and the contracts pre-paid. I mentioned that they should liquidate their Life Insurance Settlements using one of the programs available to them. My suggestion is that they take that money now and use it to create memories they can take into the years rather than have a lump sum payment that will be wasted because the survivor is lonely and doesn’t want to travel alone. It just makes more sense.

Chantal Pharmaceuticals

I have noticed lately that my skin is starting show its age. I’ll be forty soon and everyone knows that as we get older, our bodies change and so does our skin. Lines begin to appear around the eyes and lips. Perhaps our skin is not as elastic as it used to be. At this point, we start paying attention and looking at skin products. Speaking of such products, have you heard of the breakthrough skin product Ethocyn? It helps both men and women to reduce the age our skin looks. Ethocyn is not a steroid yet it is able to increase the production of elastin in the tissues of our skin. Dr. Chantal Burnison is a chemist who synthesized what is now known as Ethocyn. Dr. Burnison is also the CEO of Chantal Pharmaceuticals. Dr. Burnison’s product Ethocyn actually helps to reduce the natural effects that age causes to our skins appearance.